Hope for Life

The silence here at night is deafening. Once in awhile a child screams out in pain and I am numb to it. There was a time I would have cringed at that sound, my heart would have ached for them. Not now. Now I think 'thank god that child has the strength to scream, the energy is there, they are alive.' Alive...not well, but alive. I took too much for granted, now I need hope for life. Stay strong little man...you are my hero.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Anger is a part of grieving.....

(I edited this post at 10:08pm.)

I'm really starting to get pissed off at the world. I'm tired of hearing it. I can't believe how blind people are to the good in their lives. Maybe I was like that before all of this started but wow has my perspective changed. I don't mean to be rude or make anyone feel bad but why is everyone crying except me? I would give anything to have trivial problems.

I just can't stand listening to or reading about people complaining about the small stuff. On the flip side I also can't stand listening to people boast about the good stuff either. To be honest, I would prefer to hear good news and at the same time it just chaps my kakhi's that I'm getting dealt so much crap and I don't feel like I deserve it. I wish everyone for one moment could see through my eyes and feel what I feel...

I'm getting to a point where I just can't take much anymore. Here is something to remember...I've held my dying child in my arms. Nothing is worse unless I had lost him...which I still might!!! So be thankful for your crap and remember that thousands of people in similar positions as mine would give ANYTHING to have your crap. And when things are going great in your life, don't take one moment for granted....

PS: This post wasn't written with anyone specific in mind, just venting. For anyone who takes this personally...keep reading it until you get the point. To all my friends and family, thank you for loving me no matter what.

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